Wondering what the future may hold for us

Throughout life one wonders what the future will bring.. the distance to 'the future' changes as we move further down the road. I wondered if I would finish college, would I get a master's degree, work or not work most of my life, would I marry, be a mother, be a grandmother... perhaps even become a great-grandmother. Many of those wonders have, indeed, come to pass.  As I look back I realize what a very lucky person I am.

As you know from the last post, 2012 was a year of revelation and loss. Reflection is a big part of moving forward from painful times and that is where I am right now. Reflection is not a bad thing. I have come to believe that real personal growth does come from such a time. Yes, reflection, honest studying of oneself, can bring pain during the process but I believe it is worth the effort.

Thinking of my life till now I become aware of what a really fortunate woman I am - of all the wonderful opportunities have opened for through the years that have been. A greater awareness of how my husband, Ron, had supported me in some of these endeavors over the years. I may be biased but I really don't think all men are as supportive of journeys that include grad school, teaching several nights a week, and attending professional meetings that mean leaving town for several days as he has been. I must admit he did love having more time for woodcarving and welding. I not only had my own three children to love and raise but had three new daughters come into my life to add to the process of raising and loving and today I can be proud of all six of these, no longer quite so young, people. And the appearance of 11 grandchildren who, as my mother used to say, really are the frosting on the cake.

But there is still more future. The future of these coming years are not so bright. They are filled with fears or many kinds. I have written before about the changes I see in our country. Those fears have not changed at all. The extreme difference in opportunity for families with great wealth and those with less than enough to provide for their daily needs has become greater.  The civil rights issues still cause great pain and suffering in a variety of  ways in this country. The political scene is filled with a dysfunctional environment that becomes scarier each day.  Can it be saved from truly falling apart? I am not sure. The idea of corporation as person is allowing the might of the vote to mean less and less and the importance of the almighty dollar to mean more and more. What does all of this portend for the future of my grandchildren and their children? Scary, scary, scary.

And then their are the Golden Years. Wonder who thought that one up? I am sure, whoever it was wasthat coined the phrase, was very young when that idea came to him or her! I call them the rusty years.  I think most of us who have reached the late 70s and more do not see them as golden.  Normal aging takes its toll and the illnesses that many must endure add to the concerns of these later years.  There are fears of many diseases but, for me, the fear of stroke or mental disfunction such as dementia or Alzheimer's disease head the list. The idea of dependency, lack of independence and, the costs incurred by such illnesses are truly scary.  If you have not read Never Say Die by Susan Jacobs I encourage you to do so. It is really about the Boomers and their expectations but it does look at some of the medical issues raised as many of us live longer and longer. I recommend it highly.

Enough of this looking at problems that we cannot solve alone. I envision a a time when we can work on solving this problem.... maybe. I promise a brighter tone in future entries.

Can you believe I am finally here again!!

It has been more than a year.... a not at all good year. If anyone ever tells you that 6 days on a ventilator(not knowing which way the results would go for 2.5 days) and 4 weeks in rehab is good way to diet, don't you believe them. February of 2012 was a very scary time -  for me and for all of my family. Details will take many future blog-sections; still not ready for all of it. BTW, the diet does work, you just would NOT like it. You would think that this kind of experience is the worst a  single year could bring but it was not.

As you may know from prior sections I have been 1/8 of a Brady Bunch since 1970. My daughter and two sons and Ron and his 3 daughters merged in September of that year. All of us together, building a life together and lots of remodeling is what we probably all remember of that early time. Combined we provided 3rd, 4th, 6th, 7th and 8th grades to our local school and a freshman to the District High School. Many years went by; kids growing and going. Our oldest, Ron's daughter Cooky, had her first bout with breast cancer when she was 40 and had 3 young children. The story of her battle would take a whole book. But for now, let me say she was a courageous, determined, risk-taking fighter from day 1 of the battle. In June of 2012 she began the last battle in hospice at home, where she wanted to be, and where she stayed until the battle ended on September 12, 2012. The reality is our family will never really be whole again. Her loss weighs heavy on her siblings and on us. I watch my husband and know his life will never be quite the same again. Their unique relationship and the time they spent together will always be with him and he lives with this loss daily.

So here we are in April of 2013. Finally it is time to try to bring all the strands of life back together.  I am grateful to be alive and healthy and hope to this time to good advantage. It is time to go back to the things I have loved to do and put my energy into further examining the genealogy of our families. That can be time consuming, exciting and, oh, so frustrating. But I really do recommend it.  I have a special piece of advice for all of you out there in web-land who have grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles. Start asking questions of all those folks.... where did they come from, where did their parents come, what were their parents, aunts, uncles, cousins names? Find old family pictures. Have those who knew the people in the pictures write the names on a copy of the picture with special pens. And, oh, yes, start scanning, scanning, scanning.

It is time again to share some of the good things that can come along in a life of retirement. As those of you who have been with me for awhile know this did not have an easy start for me. But moving forward is a part of growing now matter what age you are -- even when are the eldest remaining and have no one left to answer those important questions.

See you soon. Hope you will come back looking for more and leave your comments.

A New Year is coming and with it -- A New Challenge

I love being on Twitter. I love sending the messages and, even more, I love the serendipitous bits I trip over as I skim along. Today there was a wonderful comment that led me to the Bookjourney Blog and a reading challenge for 2012.

An unusual challenge about where books are set. Each month the goal is to add a review of a book you have read and mark the location of the book on a Google map that blog readers can access. I think it will be fun to find stories set in different states and read themacross the year ahead.

I am looking forward to your joining me on this journey. I hope you will comment here if you have read the book or, perhaps, add books that have taken place in the same setting. In the meantime Happy 2012 to all!!

A Time of Disappointment in our Country....

I have written about my heritage in other sessions but for a quick reminder. My father and his family came from Romania about 20 and my mother's parents came from another part of Romania in the early 1900s, my mom was born here. I know many have ancestors who came much earlier.

I love America and have been grateful for the good life my family has enjoyed but.... I know they say disregard what comes before the 'but' --- please don't in this case as what I have written there is true. My disappointment is coming from the fact that this country seems to be becoming too similar in too many ways to the countries our families left... left with the hope of an opportunity to build a better life. The came for many different reasons; some to find freedom of religious expression, some to avoid persecution in their homeland, some to find better jobs and a better life for their families. It did seem as though this country had created an environment where this could take place. I am not so sure that is nearly as true today as it was at that time!!

For me religious freedom means the right to practice my religion of choice without being told by other religions how wrong I, and my family, are. It means my responsibility to respect and allow others their right to their beliefs. Yet we seem to be judged, and told to live by, the beliefs of the faiths of others and, frankly, I resent that. I am more than willing to allow all faiths their freedom (except if its creed is the destruction and death of people who do not agree with them). I am perfectly willing to have schools closed, businesses closed on the holidays of some larger groups as a sign of respect for those celebrations even if mine are not celebrated in the same way. But I believe we have gone far beyond this shared respect. I am becoming uncomfortable with others telling me what I SHOULD believe and HOW I should behave in person matters in my life. I know that the pro-life call folks who believe as I do 'pro-abortion'. What nonsense!! I do not believe anyone in pro-abortion. I believe that I, and many others, are pro-choice. I do not believe I should make rules for your behaviors and I do believe others should make rules, in this area, for mine. The right to choice, in many areasm does not cause danger to others as laws are meant to do and in this case does take away the rights of many individuals.

Many of our ancestors came for the opportunity to earn a living and raise a family. They did not wish to live as a serf; to have their children subjected to laboring for hours and not have an opportunity to be educated while slaving away for a business owner. We had finally done pretty well in that area; we had gone beyond the age of the Robber Barons of the late 1900s. But we seem to have move right back in that direction. The greed and grab for power of some of those of our time is a disgrace to this United States. That politician, who are supposed to represent all appear to have forgotten that concept. The fact that those who want more and more are assisted by our government in sending American jobs overseas is beyond my ken. I have just learned that tax breaks for sending equipment, used here for our jobs, overseas to be used in factories (where more tax breaks are given to assist in the building of these factories) where child labor is used, were adults are poorly paid, where shoddy goods have been sent here and accepted is heartbreaking to me. Why do corporations feel that there is no limit to salaries at the upper end and no reason for those who are 'workers' to live a good life as well? I am so disappointed to see us moving to become like the places our families left.

And we still persecute those who are not 'like' us. No one gave man the right to approve slavery; why did he take so long for civil rights to take hold in this country... although today it appears some southern states still wants poverty and/ color to be a reason to find a way stop someone who does not think in the 'popular' to be deprived of the right to vote. Why are there some who think we must be alike in all our behaviors to be acceptable to society? From my point of view I think it is certainly worse to be a perons who has no sense of social justice or social responsibility; no sense of responsibility to care for the ill, to make sure that all Americans are educated; to make sure seniors retain their rights to care they have worked AND paid for then it is to be a person who has a different sexual preference.

What has happened here! When did greed, money, power become the most important thing in America? When did decide it was OK to call a corporation a person if it gave more power to the wealthy? When did it become OK for states to outspend themselves, not meet their financial responsibilities and then, I know it sounds impossible but it is not, tell those they have cheated to pay for their errors!! That is what is happening in states across the US. Teachers and school districts, for many years, have met all their obligations to State Pension funds and also managed to invest these monies in a responsible way; yet the states wants to take away and control money that is not theirs!!

We have come to a sad place in our history. I wonder if there will ever be a return to a sense of humanity again in this country. I watch our Representatives in Congress try to hold a hammer over the heads of those who know it is necessary to those US citizens who have suffered so much damage as nature, not man, attacked their cities and homes. When did the definition of humanity among men leave the vocabulary of these people?

Well, the rant is over. Thanks for letting me have my say. I know there are many who do not agree. I can only wish they could respect the rights and needs of all Americans... I wish I could feel respect not disappointment in the ways these folks have chosen to treat our country.

Sometimes The Thinking is the Best Part of the Doing...

My brain has been in a whirl since the first interview last Thursday and, here I am, the afternoon before the final Life Stories Program interview. I think I have relived most of my life in the last week. There are two big things I can identify about this thinking process. One. I have lived through, and can remember, many significant events of the 20th and 21st Century. I know I will have to blog my whole list and the memories each event evoked. Wow! A LOT has happened in the past 80 years. Two. Revisionist or Selective History is alive and well. My children, their children and others to come are the audience for this interview. I have chosen to omit the most painful, the most hurtful past and current events that crossed through my memory this week. It is not because I do not think they are important. It is not because I do not think they have been elemental in shaping who I am today. It is because it would serve no purpose; it would change nothing and would surely hurt some of the readers.

Many years ago I first heard the expression, "You can forgive but you do not forget." In a recent email from a newly found cousin he included his understanding of that phrase. He wrote, "In order for a person to forgive he has to understand that forgiving doesn't mean that they are wrong and the other person is right but it means that the relationship with the other person is more important that their ego.." Reason enough to along with skipping the hurts and nasties of the past.